Monday, August 6, 2012
More Musings from Childhood Friend
A Prayer from the Depths of my Heart
(Dave Heavner) 4/14/96
Hello Jesus, my old friend, I've come to talk to You again.
With Open arms that You might reach me, with open heart that You might teach me.
But my tears, like silent raindrops fall; through it all,
Echoes in the sound.....of silence.
Through restless dreams I've walked alone; darkened streets that I have known.
For me, Your love was yearning, but my stubborn head kept turning.
But now, my Lord, I reach out for Your light that splits the night,
I reach out to the sound.......of silence.
I'm sorry Lord, I went astray; I used to walk in my own way,
What was it I was seeking? What were the words that I was speaking?
As I sought to fill that void inside; there was too much pride.
I chased the wind......of silence.
And though I now in confines be, I take a look back and I see,
In my sins, Lord, I was dying, in my sorrows, I was crying,
But, Lord, for me you died on Calvary, upon the tree,
Upon Your cross....of silence.
Now as I lay me down to sleep; I pray dear Lord, my soul to keep,
But if I should die before You wake me, I pray dear Lord that You might take me,
To a place where no more tears will fall; through it all,
Take me in the the sound.....of silence.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Musings From a Childhood Friend
Yet Will I Have Faith
- David Lee Heavner 4/25/96
When they don't know what to tell me, when with my mind their games they play, when I get a different answer each and every day: yet will I have faith.
When I while away the hours, wondering what is yet to be my fate, when all I want is information, but still they make me wait: yet will I have faith.
When I stare out of my window on a bright and sunny day, when I close my eyes and travel to places very far away, when I pray for others yet for myself have nothing left to say: yet will I have faith.
When the questions to the answers are as if yet unasked, when the actors in this play of life as of yet remain unmasked, when seeking truth in a world full of lies remains my greatest task: yet will I have faith.
When the truth I've found in God above remains my primary source of love, when through this glass I darkly see the love and peace that waits for me, when in captivity I yearn to be free: yet will I have faith.
~This was written while he was sitting in a jail cell.
Moonbeam Mountains
~David Lee Heavner 4/24/96
Moonbeam mountain is a place I used to go whenever I was lonely and needed nature's glow. In the gentle summer sunshine or the blazing shades of fall, up on moonbeam mountain, in peace I found it all.
The moonlight played upon the pines at night as it cast its heavenly glow, and it really took my breath away when it danced on winter's snow.
I always felt the Creator's presence there no matter where I went, and as I slept under the starry skies, His presence was my tent. Many fond memories I have of it, that spring up like a fountain; for a little part of me yet remains up on Moonbeam Mountain.
I Love You
(Dave Heavner) July 4, '96
Give me just a moment to tell you how I feel, for what I have to say to you from my heart I know is real. Give me one moment in time, my Love, when all my dreams come true; just a moment out of life, my Love, to spend my life with you.
Give me the happiness that I thought I'd never find, for you're all I've ever dreamed of, and true love is never blind. You're the morning song within my heart, and my evening sunset's glow, you're the only rose in my garden of life, so won't you stay and grow?
You're the stars that shine within my sky each night, and the sun that lights my day, you're the breeze that whispers in my ears so sweetly and the trees that gently sway. So give me just a moment and now I'll say to you how I feel in just 5 words: My Darling, I love you!
~I was going through some old letters and came across some thoughts and poetry by this childhood friend and thought maybe it would be of interest to some of my friends to read these thoughts. If not, well, it gave me more practice typing! I burned a few calories just exercising my fingers! :)
Friday, June 22, 2012
Texas Trip
Back safe from the Texas trip! It was a long trip, 3 days in Texas and 4 days driving! Thankfully, we stopped at a motel overnight. I am not sure how I would have coped with having to sleep sitting upright. We were in a 15 passenger van and I was on a seat with my husband beside me and a carseat on the other side. So there was no lounging room at all. My feet and legs swelled up really badly from having them hang and then once we were in Texas they didn't go down because the heat was bad! We put up a dog kennel one day and I thought it looked shady but we were out in the sun quite a bit so that made them swell. On the way home though, I made a discovery. Propping them up on my husband's lap is the cat's meow!! The whole trip home he let me and the swelling completely went away. I felt bad for him because he had hardly any leg room and his knees hurt yet he sacrificed so I could feel better. I love my husband! He puts up with so much since I'm prego! Emotions that I wasn't planning to let run wild, like I cry over nothing sometimes or one bit of frustrations directed at me puts me in tears. Yet he loves me anyway and promises I am not scaring him away from having more children! He just got done spoiling me and shopping for me at 2 big sales from 2 favorite stores of mine and now I'm stocked up on body wash, perfumes, and lotions! He makes me feel like a queen!
The wedding in Texas was fun! Mandie and David looked so happy and Mandie looked so pretty in her white dress! Brought back so many memories of my wedding day. They faced some trials and persecutions just like my husband and I did for getting married as well as some other political things that happened over their wedding time. My husband and I could feel for them!
I was just at the midwife and although my blood pressure was in a good bracket, the bottom number was a bit higher than 2 weeks ago when I was there. She said it's a sign that I was stressed. Ah, yeah, I have to agree. The trip was very stressful for me! She said it's very important to avoid stress for my health and the baby so I am trying hard to take good care of myself and my husband is being a sweetheart too! Thankfully my blood sugar test was fine. For the way I love my candy, especially chocolate, I wasn't sure what she would say! I don't eat much baked stuff, just candy! I have to eat more protein though. That's not too hard because I do love nuts and meats.
Anyway, that's all for now!
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Washington DC, Pregnancy, WW2 Weekend, Baby Shower
I see it’s 2 months since I last wrote so maybe it’s time I write again! Friday June 1st was WW2 weekend in Reading. My husband talked so often about this awesome place where they have re-enactors who play out parts of how it was during WW2. I was really curious to see this place finally because it seemed to be a favorite place of his and til next year we will be pushing a stroller, Lord willing. So we got tickets and went this year. Til we were done traipsing all over the place, I began to wonder if I was the smart one after all! I have about 10 weeks left til the baby arrives and this is the most I’ve weighed in my entire life! My feet do not appreciate the extra weight and neither does my bladder or my back! My husband’s knees were acting up too. Guess they have sympathy pain for me?! LOL! Actually he had knee surgery in his one knee when he was just entering the teen years and it’s never been quite right and I guess the other knee didn’t appreciate having to bear the extra weight over that time so it developed an attitude as well. Anyway we had a good time in spite of that. I got a better understanding of WW2 era. This was my birthday gift to my husband, taking him there and all. Yet like to wonderful sweetheart he is, he made sure we rested a lot for my sake and found the porta potties when I needed them and bought me food as soon as I was hungry, etc. And, he found some patterns from that era, patterns to make dresses. He got me some of them. I can’t wait to try them! We had to laugh at the set up they had for a radio station of those days. Well, not the set up but rather the people that sang. There was a lady who was the lead singer and she….well…let’s just say she did not have the voice it appeared she thought she had! It was a little grating on the ears, if I may say so! And then when they came to the song, “God Bless America” she had some more people join in (only re-enactors in uniform). Oh my! God bless this one man! He jumped up to the one microphone and belted it out with all might and main and wow! That guy could not sing! His heart was in it and he was making a joyful noise and I appreciated that! However, usually people don’t belt it out like that unless they can make a melody roll! We had tickets for a beef dinner but they had tornado warnings out and the sky was very ominous so we decided not to stay. Most of the stands shut down because of the winds being very strong already and the forecast and it was starting to rain. We blessed someone else with tickets who was planning to stay. I couldn’t wait to get into the car to rest my throbbing feet but alas! Apparently 150 other people had the same idea! We had to stand in line for the shuttle buses! Sigh! I thought longingly of how at airports when they see a harried mother with children or a pregnant woman, they part the waters and let her go into the front of the line. Not happening here. Oh well, I will never ever again think it’s dumb when they give such people first priority. For some reason it makes total sense now! Anyway, we probably only waited 20 minutes for a shuttle but it seems much longer when your feet are throbbing.
June 2nd my husband’s sisters and mom put on a wonderful baby shower for us. What a blessing that was! As a first time mom I didn’t realize quite how much babies cost but I’m finding out even without the dear little gem being here yet! Such an endless list of things to get just to be prepared! We did a registry at Babies R Us. We had fun picking things out. My husband loved the scanner and he liked it so much he scanned some things just for fun. Needless to say I had to take some of it off in case someone would actually buy some things I didn’t need or want instead of what was really needed! But at the shower we had some fun games. They had 4 or 6 different diapers with a smashed piece of candy in the middle. We were to guess what candy it looked like and see who wins. It really looked like poop which is what it was intended to look like! And there we were putting our noses up close to what looked like poop in a diaper. In the beginning of the party we were given 3 clothepins each. Throughout the party we weren’t allowed to say “baby” and if someone caught us saying it they took one of our clothepins. Whoever had the most in the end won. It didn’t take me very long til I lost all of mine. It’s just too hard to be prego and not say “baby”! There was also a basket of 15 baby items that we got to see briefly and then it was hidden and we were supposed to remember all the 15 items and write them down. I had them all except 1. Someone else got all of them though so I didn’t win! I got blessed with a lot of goodies for the baby. It was so much fun to open them and see what’s in each package! There are still so many things left on the registry that I need though. I left the registry open and I can let it open til a few months after the baby’s due date. So anyone buying baby gifts to give at birth can still go by the registry. Oh, and there was delicious cake and icecream and chips and dip and veggies and meadow tea.
June 3 my mom and dad, sis, and husband and I went to Washington DC to see some friends. They hosted us there for 2 nights and we really enjoyed our stay. They cooked some awesome food for us and big breakfasts. We spent a day at the Holocaust Museum and half a day at the Smithsonian Institute. My feet throbbed something awful as well as my back. However, I did enjoy the museums a lot. I had seen both museums before but it was quite some time ago and I know a lot more about Adolph Hitler now so it was more interesting. My husband is a history buff and he teaches me a lot.
Now we are getting ready to go to Texas for a week. We have a wedding there and it takes awhile to drive out. It is really warm in Texas. Hope my legs and feet are recognizable by the time I get there! They tend to swell up when traveling since I’m pregnant. And I hope Texas people believe in AC. I can barely get my breath without it in this heat.
Well, I don’t know when I will write next but God bless you all in the meantime!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Pregnant, IOM School, Misc.
In December we had a most pleasant surprise! I found out I am pregnant! I was so excited. Scared but ecstatic!
I am 5 months along now. I am definitely growing! I was never really tiny but let’s just say I surely am not tiny now, for sure! I just hope the baby fat doesn’t hang around after the baby is born! I don’t want to feel like a fat old hag! OOOH my husband would slap me for saying that! He would never let me say such things about myself. Cause even if I am fat for awhile, that doesn’t make me an old hag! It is so weird to watch my body change as well as my eating habits! I am starting week 21. I am 5 months along and that means half way through! About 2 weeks ago, I had to stop wearing all my usual wardrobe! Just don’t fit anymore! I have only 2 maternity dresses which my dear aunt sewed for me. Tuesday she will draw up a pattern for me so I can sew myself some more dresses. 2 is not enough to get by with! I have some skirts and blouses that fit, but barely! Let me warn you, boobs don’t stay the same size when you are prego! Lol! My belly isn’t as much the problem as my boobs are! It’s all so new and weird to me but I love baby planning. Yard sales have become fun. When I first moved out and needed stuff for a house, yard sales became fun. After I had my house stocked, yard sales weren’t all that great. Now that I need baby stuff, yard sales are awesome again! Just this weekend I was doing yard sales and got a baby swing, carseat, jogging stroller, highchair, baby carrier, and some clothes. Problem is, our house is small and I have to get rid of some things to make room for baby appliances. My sister in law said I may use their dry sink so I think I will take her up on that instead of buying one. When you are in ministry work you have to rely on God for money to pay the bills. I never know where the next rent money will come from or money to buy gas for the car, etc. but God had always been faithful and never let us sit in need. So if someone lets me borrow things, I take them up on it! I was used to always having enough, and extra to buy things I really didn’t need but just wanted. Now I have to rely on God to provide even the necessities. It really stretches me. I can’t say I enjoy it but it is helping me grow and helping me see just how faithful God is. Sometimes there are tears as I worry about how we will have funds to take care of our baby and if anything should go wrong with the home birth and I’m forced to go to a hospital, where would that money come from? We set money aside for the home birth but that’s WAY less than a hospital birth. But again, worrying is not trusting God and I must keep striving to trust. I do not believe God will let our baby go hungry, nor us for that matter.
While you all were freezing, we were in the sunny south. Only got to the beach twice in those 10 weeks though. This was a Holy Spirit school. They don’t have a curriculum there. They have a bunch of teachers who are Holy Spirit led and whatever God puts on their hearts to teach is what we learn. We learn an entirely different mindset. It’s awesome! We put in over 300 hours of school. We learned so much I don’t know where to start. We learned about finances. We learned that if you don’t tithe 10% you are actually stealing from God, and your tithe money should always go to the place where you are getting spiritually fed, which is your church usually. Tithing is required, and anything you give above that is called “giving” or “sowing”. People who tithe and sow will be blessed and it will multiply and come back to them and they will prosper. I already knew about the tithing and have been doing that for a long time. I hadn’t known about the sowing and that is a hard thing for me to do at times, especially since we don’t always have enough to pay our bills. I wonder why we would give money away to people if we don’t even have money to pay our phone bills or rent, etc. But then I realize, how can it multiply and come back to us if we don’t give it out. It’s just a whole new mindset that I’m still adjusting to. We learned a lot about the end times prophecies, some about the current events but a lot of Revelation and Daniel. I had learned a lot of it a few years ago from that pastor I told you about but this was a great refresher and now my husband understands it all too. We learned how to worship and how praise isn’t the same as worship. Worship is when you are praising and you enter a deeper intimate level with Jesus where the things of earth become strangely dim and you are truly in the throne room with God. Oh, and we learned about the baptism of the Holy Spirit and tongues. My husband already had tongues but because he had backslidden a few years (before he courted me), he had lost it. God renewed his tongues and now I have it too. It’s awesome to think that I speak things to God that I don’t even know what I’m saying and it drives the devil crazy cause he can’t interpret tongues so he doesn’t know what I’m saying either! We learned about the gifts of the Holy Spirit and took tests to see which are most prominent in our lives. My top one was Mercy! My husband’s was Hospitality. We saw people healed before our eyes. I thought maybe my eyes would be healed so I wouldn’t need glasses but they weren’t. My feet were having issues hurting because of the extra weight I guess and they were healed. Something in my womb was healed. Not sure what, but something changed. Oh, and my baby was prophesied over. We believe it’s a boy. If we are wrong, we do have girl clothes too. But the prophecies that were given said “he” and we already had believed in our hearts that we are having a boy so it was a confirmation. We will love the baby if it’s a girl too! This feels like sort of a lame post but it's part of a letter I wrote to a friend and thought I would share it on here so I can kill a few birds at once! Hopefully I do better at writing and I will try to write again before the baby is born!
I am 5 months along now. I am definitely growing! I was never really tiny but let’s just say I surely am not tiny now, for sure! I just hope the baby fat doesn’t hang around after the baby is born! I don’t want to feel like a fat old hag! OOOH my husband would slap me for saying that! He would never let me say such things about myself. Cause even if I am fat for awhile, that doesn’t make me an old hag! It is so weird to watch my body change as well as my eating habits! I am starting week 21. I am 5 months along and that means half way through! About 2 weeks ago, I had to stop wearing all my usual wardrobe! Just don’t fit anymore! I have only 2 maternity dresses which my dear aunt sewed for me. Tuesday she will draw up a pattern for me so I can sew myself some more dresses. 2 is not enough to get by with! I have some skirts and blouses that fit, but barely! Let me warn you, boobs don’t stay the same size when you are prego! Lol! My belly isn’t as much the problem as my boobs are! It’s all so new and weird to me but I love baby planning. Yard sales have become fun. When I first moved out and needed stuff for a house, yard sales became fun. After I had my house stocked, yard sales weren’t all that great. Now that I need baby stuff, yard sales are awesome again! Just this weekend I was doing yard sales and got a baby swing, carseat, jogging stroller, highchair, baby carrier, and some clothes. Problem is, our house is small and I have to get rid of some things to make room for baby appliances. My sister in law said I may use their dry sink so I think I will take her up on that instead of buying one. When you are in ministry work you have to rely on God for money to pay the bills. I never know where the next rent money will come from or money to buy gas for the car, etc. but God had always been faithful and never let us sit in need. So if someone lets me borrow things, I take them up on it! I was used to always having enough, and extra to buy things I really didn’t need but just wanted. Now I have to rely on God to provide even the necessities. It really stretches me. I can’t say I enjoy it but it is helping me grow and helping me see just how faithful God is. Sometimes there are tears as I worry about how we will have funds to take care of our baby and if anything should go wrong with the home birth and I’m forced to go to a hospital, where would that money come from? We set money aside for the home birth but that’s WAY less than a hospital birth. But again, worrying is not trusting God and I must keep striving to trust. I do not believe God will let our baby go hungry, nor us for that matter.
While you all were freezing, we were in the sunny south. Only got to the beach twice in those 10 weeks though. This was a Holy Spirit school. They don’t have a curriculum there. They have a bunch of teachers who are Holy Spirit led and whatever God puts on their hearts to teach is what we learn. We learn an entirely different mindset. It’s awesome! We put in over 300 hours of school. We learned so much I don’t know where to start. We learned about finances. We learned that if you don’t tithe 10% you are actually stealing from God, and your tithe money should always go to the place where you are getting spiritually fed, which is your church usually. Tithing is required, and anything you give above that is called “giving” or “sowing”. People who tithe and sow will be blessed and it will multiply and come back to them and they will prosper. I already knew about the tithing and have been doing that for a long time. I hadn’t known about the sowing and that is a hard thing for me to do at times, especially since we don’t always have enough to pay our bills. I wonder why we would give money away to people if we don’t even have money to pay our phone bills or rent, etc. But then I realize, how can it multiply and come back to us if we don’t give it out. It’s just a whole new mindset that I’m still adjusting to. We learned a lot about the end times prophecies, some about the current events but a lot of Revelation and Daniel. I had learned a lot of it a few years ago from that pastor I told you about but this was a great refresher and now my husband understands it all too. We learned how to worship and how praise isn’t the same as worship. Worship is when you are praising and you enter a deeper intimate level with Jesus where the things of earth become strangely dim and you are truly in the throne room with God. Oh, and we learned about the baptism of the Holy Spirit and tongues. My husband already had tongues but because he had backslidden a few years (before he courted me), he had lost it. God renewed his tongues and now I have it too. It’s awesome to think that I speak things to God that I don’t even know what I’m saying and it drives the devil crazy cause he can’t interpret tongues so he doesn’t know what I’m saying either! We learned about the gifts of the Holy Spirit and took tests to see which are most prominent in our lives. My top one was Mercy! My husband’s was Hospitality. We saw people healed before our eyes. I thought maybe my eyes would be healed so I wouldn’t need glasses but they weren’t. My feet were having issues hurting because of the extra weight I guess and they were healed. Something in my womb was healed. Not sure what, but something changed. Oh, and my baby was prophesied over. We believe it’s a boy. If we are wrong, we do have girl clothes too. But the prophecies that were given said “he” and we already had believed in our hearts that we are having a boy so it was a confirmation. We will love the baby if it’s a girl too! This feels like sort of a lame post but it's part of a letter I wrote to a friend and thought I would share it on here so I can kill a few birds at once! Hopefully I do better at writing and I will try to write again before the baby is born!
Friday, December 2, 2011
Married!
I believe I left off where we were engaged and supposed to be married in a year! Well, the battlefield changed! Father very clearly gave me a date which was Sept. 3, 2011. That really freaked me out because I'm still new to the thought that the battlefield changes and you can't always keep your same strategies! I prayed multiple times and Abba said Sept. 3. Anthony prayed separately and he heard the same thing each time as well. We braced ourselves for the battle to come, because even though we are "older" and everyone says it won't take long to know usually when you aren't just 19 or 20....we knew that a courtship of 3 months was not long enough to satisfy friends and family. His family didn't know me at all and neither did my family know him. Most of my friends didn't know him and neither did most of his friends know me! So of course they weren't very comfortable with us announcing our engagement. We knew we were following Father God so that was what mattered most to us but the gossip and hostility that came against us was not easy. We had to literally pray without ceasing to keep our heads above the waters and ask Father God constantly for confirmations. I'm so glad He is patient. We had Anthony's pastor's blessing. He is a true man of God and I saw that the first time I met him. So his vote of confidence for our marriage held alot of water. We started taking marriage counseling from him. Also Light of Hope Ministries were mentors of Anthony's and I saw immediately at first meeting that the Lapp brothers are true warriors of God and we had their blessing and we went there also for marriage counseling. Both of us had some friends who supported us and some of my friends said they trust my judgement, that they know I have a good head on my shoulders. God bless them richly for saying that! Lord knows how much that meant to me!
One highlight in our courtship is that we attended the Take Back your Life seminars by Door of Hope. I took people to them quite often so I was used to the teachings but you can always learn more. Anthony had been to them once before. It was great to go as a couple and learn together and dissect what we were taught. At least 3 people thought by the way we acted and responded to eachother that we were married and for quite some time! That was definitely confirmation for us as well.
We got married at Reamstown Church of God where our pastor preaches and the reception was at Light of Hope Ministries. My dear friend Doris coordinated the wedding. It was the BEST day of my life, next to the day I got saved.
Our wedding was in Tennessee in the Smoky Mountains. We had a wonderful cabin with a jacuzzi. We saw all kinds of things, like Ripley's Believe it or Not. We watched alot of movies and relaxed and enjoyed alot of wine. Oh, and he carried me over the threshold and into the bedroom when we first got to the cabin. I was so proud of him for that because I'm not very light and his lungs are still healing. And I was so proud of him for buying me 24 roses while we were there. What other wife is so blessed to have roses on her honeymoon?
We were gone 10 days, 9 nights and had a few days off when we got back so that in all we had 2 full weeks off work.
Then it was back to the old grind. It was hard to get up at 5:15AM while my hubby could stay in bed til 8. Not fair! His job started much later. And it was hard to be home an hour before him and sometimes 2 hours if he had a late customer. Supper would get cold, ugh! Pretty often he was kind enough to get up early with me and make me breakfast while I got ready for work. Let me tell you, that's downright sweet to get up HOURS before you would have to just to make your wife breakfast before she leaves for work! How blessed I am! He can make a wonderful breakfast! Sausage, eggs, hashbrowns, bacon! I was used to eating cereal and milk or oatmeal with milk. Then 2 hours later I would be hungry! His breakfasts kept me satisfied til lunch!
Well, that's all for now!
One highlight in our courtship is that we attended the Take Back your Life seminars by Door of Hope. I took people to them quite often so I was used to the teachings but you can always learn more. Anthony had been to them once before. It was great to go as a couple and learn together and dissect what we were taught. At least 3 people thought by the way we acted and responded to eachother that we were married and for quite some time! That was definitely confirmation for us as well.
We got married at Reamstown Church of God where our pastor preaches and the reception was at Light of Hope Ministries. My dear friend Doris coordinated the wedding. It was the BEST day of my life, next to the day I got saved.
Our wedding was in Tennessee in the Smoky Mountains. We had a wonderful cabin with a jacuzzi. We saw all kinds of things, like Ripley's Believe it or Not. We watched alot of movies and relaxed and enjoyed alot of wine. Oh, and he carried me over the threshold and into the bedroom when we first got to the cabin. I was so proud of him for that because I'm not very light and his lungs are still healing. And I was so proud of him for buying me 24 roses while we were there. What other wife is so blessed to have roses on her honeymoon?
We were gone 10 days, 9 nights and had a few days off when we got back so that in all we had 2 full weeks off work.
Then it was back to the old grind. It was hard to get up at 5:15AM while my hubby could stay in bed til 8. Not fair! His job started much later. And it was hard to be home an hour before him and sometimes 2 hours if he had a late customer. Supper would get cold, ugh! Pretty often he was kind enough to get up early with me and make me breakfast while I got ready for work. Let me tell you, that's downright sweet to get up HOURS before you would have to just to make your wife breakfast before she leaves for work! How blessed I am! He can make a wonderful breakfast! Sausage, eggs, hashbrowns, bacon! I was used to eating cereal and milk or oatmeal with milk. Then 2 hours later I would be hungry! His breakfasts kept me satisfied til lunch!
Well, that's all for now!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
From Courtship to marriage all in 5 months!
Friday April 8, 2011: Anthony Martin and I have been talking a lot on facebook. I have grown quite fond of him. He amazes me so much! I have never met a young man with such a heart for God that was still single! I have never met my equal, spiritually or mentally, in a man near my age! Until I met Anthony. I remember when I first saw him (after hearing about him quite often from Michelle) he came into Nicole’s house with some other guys. I was talking to Michelle and Nicole and I wasn’t all that impressed with the guys that came in. I remember there was a girl named Dot along but the rest were guys. None of them appealed to me. I thought Anthony was interesting in his stories but he had some language he needed to clean up and he appeared to me as a very baby Christian. He had tattoos and that of course didn’t impress me. I dismissed him as a “not an option” guy. A few days later Michelle texted me and ask me what I thought of Anthony. I was thinking, “Oh brother don’t tell me she is trying to hook me up with him now!” I was very vague and said the only nice thing I could think of to say, that he was “nice”. I think she had said Anthony wondered, so I knew it would for sure get back to him. So I asked her what he thought of me and she said he thought I was very pretty and liked the “wave thing” going on with my hair! I thought that was neat that a guy like him would think that because it is kinda considered outdated and the only people that ever fuss about my hair are usually middle age to old people, never young people. But I was going to act really cold if needed to because he was not an option for me and I didn’t want him to think he was!!!!!
So that was maybe 2 years ago. And just in the past few weeks Anthony friended me on facebook and I accepted him. Dunno why but I did. I guess I had no reason not to. Facebook is safe right? If someone offends you, you can delete them and block them and that’s that! So I accepted him and suddenly we began talking. He started it by asking why people always think singles have to hook up and that he is happy single and yada yada yada! I knew the pain so I wrote back, cause I’ve been through that. Then he asked advice on what to do when a close friend starts turning against you and so on. I gave advice for that. I got a little scared then and made it clear to him that there is no romantic interest going on and while I am being an encouragement I want that to be understood. I didn’t want him to fall in love with me because of the nice things I was saying about him or because I was being a listening ear, etc. He agreed he won’t mess things up and that there was NONE of that kind of interest on his end. Somehow suddenly we were writing so much so often and I began to look so forward to his messages. I would drop whatever it was that I was doing, just so I could read his messages. They brightened my day. I saw in a hurry that he was a changed man from when I’d seen him last! No bad language or even a hint of it. He was godly, and not only that, he was my equal and past me in some things! He was smart. I can’t abide a man as a partner who is less intelligent than me, how could I admire someone who can’t lead me? Every message amazed me more. Suddenly one day God smote my heart and I realized it was so very wrong of me to as much as tell him he cannot ever ask me out and that it would ruin everything if he did. God told me, “Who are you to say who I pick and choose for you?” So I could not type it fast enough as I quickly apologized for that. I didn’t want to because I was afraid then he would think I was hinting that I want there to be more between us and I had zero desire for that. I was content the way things were. But he seemed to understand. I wa so impressed as he told me he had already planned a process of how he would ask his lady to marry him. I always wanted a guy who would plan that out before he met his lady but I didn’t know men exist like that! We joked about how Nicole was trying to hook us up and I told him how Merci told me my time for a husband is finally here and that she’d been praying this week for a husband for me. I felt so free to say whatever and he seemed to as well. Suddenly it struck me that he was bitten and he didn’t know it. A wonderful peace stole over me and I had a strong feeling he might be the one. I didn’t feel lead in the back of my mind like I did with all the other guys that tried to hook up with me. Everything was all so different and I thought of my Aunt Ann who told me years ago that you will know when the right one comes along, there won’t be many doubts. So I sat back and smiled and wondered how long it would take him to know he was bitten. Then he said his mentor told him he was bitten and that he should consider me and take some weeks to pray over it. He argued with the man for 45 min. saying that it is nothing like that and that we are just friends. But he then agreed to pray about it. I smiled and smile! He asked me what my thoughts are if He would feel led to a God centered relationship. I didn’t even get him answered because that was Friday and I was gonna write to him Friday night after family night but he asked me after I got back home but before I wrote him back. He asked in the most beautiful way possible (in my mind anyway). He said, “May I serve you?” How beautiful! What a man! I suppose he got the idea from what I said in a discussion once about how Eric Ludy proposed to his wife by blindfolding her and taking her to a room that was all decorated and laid out and then he took the blindfold off and washed her feet just like Jesus washed his disciple’s feet. Cause marriage is all about serving the other. He had really liked that idea. I never thought about using that terminology for asking a lady out. Oh glory, was I impressed! I was shocked cause while I knew it was coming I didn’t think it would come til like 3 or 4 weeks! He had been so adamant that he isn’t into a relationship and that he is using this time to refine himself for the lady God has for him. I guess he was in denial. He told me he had laid it before the Lord and the Lord answered very clearly and said that I am the one. He said he will not falter, he KNOWS that I am the one and he will wait til I know too. I was all nervous cause I was so afraid that what if no one can confirm this. I called Rhonda that night and chatted with her.
Dear Abba,
My heart is so full today, Abba! Blessed be the name of the Lord! I believe I have experienced this Bible verse: Isa 65:24 And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear. Because while Merci was begging God to give me a husband very soon, you had already been working in our lives to bring us together. My soul thirsts for You, Abba. I want more of You! I want You to be seen in me so much that people literally can’t look at me without seeing You. Anthony says I am radiant. Father, never let me lose that radiance, because I know it comes from You and if I lost then I believe it would be because of sin. Today’s lesson aim in Sunday school was: To value obedience to the Father’s will ABOVE deliverance from trial or show of bravery. That really spoke to me. That means I have to follow You no matter what naysayers are saying around me. It’s not about man’s approval but about Yours. And you already approve of me. You already lead Anthony together. Abba, if at any time though, we should start making a god out of eachother by letting the other come in between our relationship with You, I pray you would gently convict us to correct that. You hate gods that come before You and this is all about You. You started this relationship and we want our lives saturated with You. Help us, Abba! Help us to have a testimony so powerful that we will render the naysayers speechless; that they will look at our lives together and have no choice but to be silenced. My retired bishop said today that the ONLY thing that God forbids in marriage is an unbeliever to a believer. We are both believers. Father, I am already encountering spiritual battle. It has only begun, it is still in the birthing but it’s about to let loose. I can feel it. I ask that You help me to be ready because I’m not ready unless You help me. I realize that that time I spend praying and reading Your word is NOT enough to prepare me for this battle. I will need more time with you, Father. Help me to dedicate more time for You, so I don’t let daily carnal thoughts and interests invade that time with You that I need, that is so very precious. Gird me up with the sword of truth, with the breastplate of righteousness, the helmet of salvation. I ask that You keep Anthony prepared at all times to be the protector You have called Him to be, the warrior You planned him to be while he was yet in his mother’s womb. Help us come boldly against the Spirit of Religion whom I know we will encounter head on, as well as any other demons & minions of Satan that we will encounter in this battle. Put a hedge of protection from behind and in front and all around. We will not be shaken, Father. If God is for us, who can be against us? Who is man that we are mindful of him? Keep our eyes opened wide as we enter this relationship so that we will not be blinded about anything but that we will be alert at all times. Help us to never drown out your voice for any reason. If we start down a path that does not glorify You, please very gently lead us back. This relationship is all about You and You started it and we need You in it at all times. We both are Your children and have no desire to ever turn away from You. Our lives our Yours, for You to use for Your honor and glory only. I pray our vision for the future would become clear and as ONE. I love You, Abba and will always be Your little girl no matter what age I am, I will always need You.
Love from your princess,
Dawn Renee
April 18: This weekend was so full and overwhelming! This week Anthony met the family…guess it was Tues. night. That went well, all but Brent was there. Then this Friday the 15 the Brills and Anthony and I moved a lot of boxes and my dear boss sent Dominoes pizza along for us. We had a really good time together. Wasn’t nice weather though, windy and cold. Saturday the 16th then Mom, Dad, Vernon, Jeremy, Anthony, Brills, Darlene, and Darlene’s babysitter all helped with the rest of the stuff. Sharon M and Doris went over to the old house and cleaned my share of the rooms. My wonderful friends and family put all my furniture where I wanted it as well as the boxes of stuff. Anthony and I could not act like a couple cause of the babysitter, she lives with Marie Hoover’s family. I was so very stressed out and tears were so ready to spill, I was a hair to finding the bathroom and letting it out. The stress was just so much, all the moving and everyone saying my name and feeling like I don’t know North from South anymore and just wanting everyone to go home and let me be in quiet even though I knew I needed their help. It was awful! Anthony told me later that he saw I was at breaking point. I was very touched that he noticed. This man observes me! He cares to notice! He studies me! I have never had someone watch me so closely or be so alert. I mean the pastor was but he doesn’t count. Most guys are so dense and involved in themselves that they don’t stop to notice. I am so blessed with Anthony I still can’t believe it. I needed to have some laundry done on Sunday and he didn’t let me hang all of it up, he did a bunch for me! Also, he washed the dishes for me and helped clear the table and insisted that I sit down and let him do my feet. He did them over 2 hours. Oh Lord, what did I do to deserve such a man? NOTHING! All I can say is YOU ARE GOOD, MY JESUS! I had him at my church and I’m nervous on where we will settle for church. He cannot grow in mine, at least not from the sermon we had this Sunday. I want him to come a few more times though. But Lord it would be awful for me to insist he be part of a church he cannot grow in so I am very afraid of where we will end up at. Lord keep us completely in Your will, guide us and keep us from straying. We want to honor and glorify you because You brought us together and our lives are ALL ABOUT YOU!
Monday, May 23rd: I am so mad I have not kept up writing! I simply don’t have the time! I could write an epic on what all we discussed already and the progress we’ve made both as a couple and separately! I went through some uncertain times and had 3 meetings with Steve and Jake Lapp already. I have seen great changes in Anthony, all for the glory of God. Tonight he asked me to marry him. That’s right, I am for real ENGAGED!!!!!!! We are keeping it quiet as it is only like 6 weeks since we started courting. He wants to ask me officially in a few months after he has a job because apparently how he wants to ask is a 2 week thing and takes money. Then we will tell people. Except we told his mentors cause they already knew it seemed and his dad was there so he knows. It was at Anthony’s house and he was dressed in a muscle shirt and greasy and I was in my work clothes and he kissed my feet, even the bottoms of them and as he was down on one knee he took my hand and kissed it and asked if I would let him serve me the rest of my life. It was awesome, right beside my car. Right after that we smelled pipe smoke and because there was no one around we believe it was Matt’s approval of the engagement. Anthony asked Father and the Father gave him marching orders to ask me so that is why he did! And he asked Father when to marry and Father said in Spring. So in exactly a year from now I shall be married, Lord willing! I’m crazy excited! I love the man incredibly much!
So that was maybe 2 years ago. And just in the past few weeks Anthony friended me on facebook and I accepted him. Dunno why but I did. I guess I had no reason not to. Facebook is safe right? If someone offends you, you can delete them and block them and that’s that! So I accepted him and suddenly we began talking. He started it by asking why people always think singles have to hook up and that he is happy single and yada yada yada! I knew the pain so I wrote back, cause I’ve been through that. Then he asked advice on what to do when a close friend starts turning against you and so on. I gave advice for that. I got a little scared then and made it clear to him that there is no romantic interest going on and while I am being an encouragement I want that to be understood. I didn’t want him to fall in love with me because of the nice things I was saying about him or because I was being a listening ear, etc. He agreed he won’t mess things up and that there was NONE of that kind of interest on his end. Somehow suddenly we were writing so much so often and I began to look so forward to his messages. I would drop whatever it was that I was doing, just so I could read his messages. They brightened my day. I saw in a hurry that he was a changed man from when I’d seen him last! No bad language or even a hint of it. He was godly, and not only that, he was my equal and past me in some things! He was smart. I can’t abide a man as a partner who is less intelligent than me, how could I admire someone who can’t lead me? Every message amazed me more. Suddenly one day God smote my heart and I realized it was so very wrong of me to as much as tell him he cannot ever ask me out and that it would ruin everything if he did. God told me, “Who are you to say who I pick and choose for you?” So I could not type it fast enough as I quickly apologized for that. I didn’t want to because I was afraid then he would think I was hinting that I want there to be more between us and I had zero desire for that. I was content the way things were. But he seemed to understand. I wa so impressed as he told me he had already planned a process of how he would ask his lady to marry him. I always wanted a guy who would plan that out before he met his lady but I didn’t know men exist like that! We joked about how Nicole was trying to hook us up and I told him how Merci told me my time for a husband is finally here and that she’d been praying this week for a husband for me. I felt so free to say whatever and he seemed to as well. Suddenly it struck me that he was bitten and he didn’t know it. A wonderful peace stole over me and I had a strong feeling he might be the one. I didn’t feel lead in the back of my mind like I did with all the other guys that tried to hook up with me. Everything was all so different and I thought of my Aunt Ann who told me years ago that you will know when the right one comes along, there won’t be many doubts. So I sat back and smiled and wondered how long it would take him to know he was bitten. Then he said his mentor told him he was bitten and that he should consider me and take some weeks to pray over it. He argued with the man for 45 min. saying that it is nothing like that and that we are just friends. But he then agreed to pray about it. I smiled and smile! He asked me what my thoughts are if He would feel led to a God centered relationship. I didn’t even get him answered because that was Friday and I was gonna write to him Friday night after family night but he asked me after I got back home but before I wrote him back. He asked in the most beautiful way possible (in my mind anyway). He said, “May I serve you?” How beautiful! What a man! I suppose he got the idea from what I said in a discussion once about how Eric Ludy proposed to his wife by blindfolding her and taking her to a room that was all decorated and laid out and then he took the blindfold off and washed her feet just like Jesus washed his disciple’s feet. Cause marriage is all about serving the other. He had really liked that idea. I never thought about using that terminology for asking a lady out. Oh glory, was I impressed! I was shocked cause while I knew it was coming I didn’t think it would come til like 3 or 4 weeks! He had been so adamant that he isn’t into a relationship and that he is using this time to refine himself for the lady God has for him. I guess he was in denial. He told me he had laid it before the Lord and the Lord answered very clearly and said that I am the one. He said he will not falter, he KNOWS that I am the one and he will wait til I know too. I was all nervous cause I was so afraid that what if no one can confirm this. I called Rhonda that night and chatted with her.
Dear Abba,
My heart is so full today, Abba! Blessed be the name of the Lord! I believe I have experienced this Bible verse: Isa 65:24 And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear. Because while Merci was begging God to give me a husband very soon, you had already been working in our lives to bring us together. My soul thirsts for You, Abba. I want more of You! I want You to be seen in me so much that people literally can’t look at me without seeing You. Anthony says I am radiant. Father, never let me lose that radiance, because I know it comes from You and if I lost then I believe it would be because of sin. Today’s lesson aim in Sunday school was: To value obedience to the Father’s will ABOVE deliverance from trial or show of bravery. That really spoke to me. That means I have to follow You no matter what naysayers are saying around me. It’s not about man’s approval but about Yours. And you already approve of me. You already lead Anthony together. Abba, if at any time though, we should start making a god out of eachother by letting the other come in between our relationship with You, I pray you would gently convict us to correct that. You hate gods that come before You and this is all about You. You started this relationship and we want our lives saturated with You. Help us, Abba! Help us to have a testimony so powerful that we will render the naysayers speechless; that they will look at our lives together and have no choice but to be silenced. My retired bishop said today that the ONLY thing that God forbids in marriage is an unbeliever to a believer. We are both believers. Father, I am already encountering spiritual battle. It has only begun, it is still in the birthing but it’s about to let loose. I can feel it. I ask that You help me to be ready because I’m not ready unless You help me. I realize that that time I spend praying and reading Your word is NOT enough to prepare me for this battle. I will need more time with you, Father. Help me to dedicate more time for You, so I don’t let daily carnal thoughts and interests invade that time with You that I need, that is so very precious. Gird me up with the sword of truth, with the breastplate of righteousness, the helmet of salvation. I ask that You keep Anthony prepared at all times to be the protector You have called Him to be, the warrior You planned him to be while he was yet in his mother’s womb. Help us come boldly against the Spirit of Religion whom I know we will encounter head on, as well as any other demons & minions of Satan that we will encounter in this battle. Put a hedge of protection from behind and in front and all around. We will not be shaken, Father. If God is for us, who can be against us? Who is man that we are mindful of him? Keep our eyes opened wide as we enter this relationship so that we will not be blinded about anything but that we will be alert at all times. Help us to never drown out your voice for any reason. If we start down a path that does not glorify You, please very gently lead us back. This relationship is all about You and You started it and we need You in it at all times. We both are Your children and have no desire to ever turn away from You. Our lives our Yours, for You to use for Your honor and glory only. I pray our vision for the future would become clear and as ONE. I love You, Abba and will always be Your little girl no matter what age I am, I will always need You.
Love from your princess,
Dawn Renee
April 18: This weekend was so full and overwhelming! This week Anthony met the family…guess it was Tues. night. That went well, all but Brent was there. Then this Friday the 15 the Brills and Anthony and I moved a lot of boxes and my dear boss sent Dominoes pizza along for us. We had a really good time together. Wasn’t nice weather though, windy and cold. Saturday the 16th then Mom, Dad, Vernon, Jeremy, Anthony, Brills, Darlene, and Darlene’s babysitter all helped with the rest of the stuff. Sharon M and Doris went over to the old house and cleaned my share of the rooms. My wonderful friends and family put all my furniture where I wanted it as well as the boxes of stuff. Anthony and I could not act like a couple cause of the babysitter, she lives with Marie Hoover’s family. I was so very stressed out and tears were so ready to spill, I was a hair to finding the bathroom and letting it out. The stress was just so much, all the moving and everyone saying my name and feeling like I don’t know North from South anymore and just wanting everyone to go home and let me be in quiet even though I knew I needed their help. It was awful! Anthony told me later that he saw I was at breaking point. I was very touched that he noticed. This man observes me! He cares to notice! He studies me! I have never had someone watch me so closely or be so alert. I mean the pastor was but he doesn’t count. Most guys are so dense and involved in themselves that they don’t stop to notice. I am so blessed with Anthony I still can’t believe it. I needed to have some laundry done on Sunday and he didn’t let me hang all of it up, he did a bunch for me! Also, he washed the dishes for me and helped clear the table and insisted that I sit down and let him do my feet. He did them over 2 hours. Oh Lord, what did I do to deserve such a man? NOTHING! All I can say is YOU ARE GOOD, MY JESUS! I had him at my church and I’m nervous on where we will settle for church. He cannot grow in mine, at least not from the sermon we had this Sunday. I want him to come a few more times though. But Lord it would be awful for me to insist he be part of a church he cannot grow in so I am very afraid of where we will end up at. Lord keep us completely in Your will, guide us and keep us from straying. We want to honor and glorify you because You brought us together and our lives are ALL ABOUT YOU!
Monday, May 23rd: I am so mad I have not kept up writing! I simply don’t have the time! I could write an epic on what all we discussed already and the progress we’ve made both as a couple and separately! I went through some uncertain times and had 3 meetings with Steve and Jake Lapp already. I have seen great changes in Anthony, all for the glory of God. Tonight he asked me to marry him. That’s right, I am for real ENGAGED!!!!!!! We are keeping it quiet as it is only like 6 weeks since we started courting. He wants to ask me officially in a few months after he has a job because apparently how he wants to ask is a 2 week thing and takes money. Then we will tell people. Except we told his mentors cause they already knew it seemed and his dad was there so he knows. It was at Anthony’s house and he was dressed in a muscle shirt and greasy and I was in my work clothes and he kissed my feet, even the bottoms of them and as he was down on one knee he took my hand and kissed it and asked if I would let him serve me the rest of my life. It was awesome, right beside my car. Right after that we smelled pipe smoke and because there was no one around we believe it was Matt’s approval of the engagement. Anthony asked Father and the Father gave him marching orders to ask me so that is why he did! And he asked Father when to marry and Father said in Spring. So in exactly a year from now I shall be married, Lord willing! I’m crazy excited! I love the man incredibly much!
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