Oh, my poor neglected blog! How lonely it must feel to have been left alone for such a long season! Well, I guess everyone that reads this blog got my emails while I was in Israel anyway. It was better doing email because then I could send the info to folks who do not have internet and to those who I do not wish to give my blog to. You see, only a very few people can read my blog. In fact, probably less than 5 people read my blog. I have to be very choosy as to whom I let read my journal, because it is personal and there are not many people whom I trust that much or whom I can confide in. Most people I would rather crawl into a whole and die than let them know so much about me. Okay, that was a bit dramatic, perhaps, but point taken, right?
I am glad to be back but oh, tomorrow I have to go back to work and I'm NOT pumped about it at all! Why must all good things come to an end? Why can't I just do fun stuff for the rest of my life??? Who invented work anyway?????? Oh, shoot, I guess God did so I had better not say anything! Actually, I believe man brought it upon himself by sin. I think that in the Garden of Eden, before there was sin, there was no work to do, only things that brought pleasure. I mean, even if Adam would have had to till the ground (without weeds of course) I believe it would have not been work to him, only fun. But now in this cursed earth we have to work for a living. Sigh! I always get sad when I have to go back to work after being on vacation for so long. After tomorrow I'll be fine again, it's just the first day being back that is hard on me. Oh, well, hopefully it passes by quickly. I got so much done today but I sure could use tomorrow off.......but I need the money even more......GRRR!
Well, I guess that's all for now since it's almost 10pm and my eyes are very sleepy.....Goodnight all y'all! Yep, the Okies have me trained now to talk like them!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Not Much Longer....
I cannot believe it is only a week until I fly to my beloved Israel. I believe it's the last time I'll travel there. 1: because I believe and anticipate that the Lord will rapture His church before too many more years. 2: because I don't think I will have money for another trip there anytime soon. 3: if I did have money for another trip I'd go see something I have never seen before! Oooh, I can hardly wait. The first time there is awesome. But I know I will be able to get even more out of it this second time.
Why do I pray for things that then get all surprised when God answers my prayers. You know, I can get awed at the smallest details. I should never be surprised when God answers my prayers, only grateful. This morning I knew I must get up at a certain time and it was very important to me not to mess up. I was nervous that I would oversleep because: 1. I had to get up earlier than normal. 2. With the time change it would be even earlier yet as we lost an hour. 3. I was afraid my phone/alarm clock would not change over even though I knew they should. I asked God to wake me up when it was time even if my alarm was wrong. Usually when I have something important that I have to be up a certain time, I usually wake up every little bit the entire night. Well, last night I slept solid and God woke me up about 7 minutes early! I know it's just a little thing but I just love how God cares about the details and that He answered such a "little" prayer for me. When He does that, I feel like I've just been hugged by Father God. Oh, by the way, my alarm and phone did pick up air time and change over by themselves. So God would not have had to wake me up, but it meant alot to me that He did anyway. Oh, and my clock did not change over the last time we had a time change. It must be getting a better signal in this new house! Or maybe God changed that for me too, I wouldn't put it past Him!
It is way past my bedtime. Goodnight everyone, God bless us every one!
Why do I pray for things that then get all surprised when God answers my prayers. You know, I can get awed at the smallest details. I should never be surprised when God answers my prayers, only grateful. This morning I knew I must get up at a certain time and it was very important to me not to mess up. I was nervous that I would oversleep because: 1. I had to get up earlier than normal. 2. With the time change it would be even earlier yet as we lost an hour. 3. I was afraid my phone/alarm clock would not change over even though I knew they should. I asked God to wake me up when it was time even if my alarm was wrong. Usually when I have something important that I have to be up a certain time, I usually wake up every little bit the entire night. Well, last night I slept solid and God woke me up about 7 minutes early! I know it's just a little thing but I just love how God cares about the details and that He answered such a "little" prayer for me. When He does that, I feel like I've just been hugged by Father God. Oh, by the way, my alarm and phone did pick up air time and change over by themselves. So God would not have had to wake me up, but it meant alot to me that He did anyway. Oh, and my clock did not change over the last time we had a time change. It must be getting a better signal in this new house! Or maybe God changed that for me too, I wouldn't put it past Him!
It is way past my bedtime. Goodnight everyone, God bless us every one!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Reunited!
Wow, this week has been an incredible spiritual journey for me! Sometimes weeks can go by and they are so mundane and so.....blah! But this week was incredible, at least the things that happened in my heart anyway! Ummmmm, this is a little difficult to admit, but since it's only a select few of my closest friends that will read this, I guess I'll be transparent. I was dealing with some sin in my heart for quite some time. I made excuses to God and to myself as to why it should not be considered as sin. If I saw it in someone else's life, I would have called it sin. But, you see, it's different when it's your own life! I did not hide it from God. I knew I couldn't. So I talked freely about it to Him. But, you see, I did all the talking. I was not interested in hearing what He had to say about it for fear He might convict me and I was not open to that. It truly bothers me how people can hide in their nice Mennonite clothing and look so righteous and holy and act so right that on one, not even their deepest friends can see any struggle going on. It's not right how we can hide so well, keep a facade so NO ONE knows. All the while I had it always present in my mind that eventually God sometimes gives people over to a debased mind and lets them believe their own lies since they refuse to believe the truth. I was not deceived, I knew all along that what I was messing with was shady and I was not one bit deceived. But I did fear a bit that it might come to the point of being blinded and that scared me a little. You know, sin really does put walls between Father God and His children; especially when you sin knowingly. I knew that, but all the while I tried to convince myself that my lacking relationship with the Father was a result of.....well........maybe business, etc. Certainly not this sin!
Finally I came to the point where I knew something had to change. Who likes to always hide things? Not me! Who likes to live in fear that someone will discover the truth you are trying so desparately to hide? Not me! Who likes to live in constant fear that just perhaps if I die, God will hold me accountable to that sin even though I'm trying to convince myself it's not sin? NOT ME!!!!!!! God really spoke to my heart a few weeks back and I chose to obey Him and relinquish my sin. However, it was not til last week that I totally gave up the last thread. It was so much a part of me that I could not just abandon it all in the snap of a finger. It went little by little and now it is 100% gone!
Bliss, unspeakable and full of glory! Ah, the feeling of having absolutely NOTHING to hide! NOTHING AT ALL! Living again with ZERO fear! I'd forgotten what that was like! I feel like Christian in Pilgrim's Progress, my burden went rolling to the foot of the cross and I feel as light as a feather. I cannot say much more, or it will disclose too much info on the whole situation, but rest assured that it is making a huge difference in my life. I'm actually grateful I went through it, because now I will be alot more forgiving and patient with others who struggle with sin.
Ah, and now about the reuniting part.......I'm a daughter of the King once again. I was all along. But now I feel like I am, not just know that I am! My sin had separated me from God to the point that He was just God to me, and that was all. Now He is once again my Beloved, the Lover of my soul and my Abba (Daddy). Once again I am going to sleep, knowing that I am safe in His arms. He wooed me back and now I look at Him as my Groom, the one whom I want to be beautiful to. I really like the Abba part. Now, once again when I go to bed, as I fall asleep, I can picture in my mind...I am sitting on Abba Father's lap, with my head against His chest and his arms around me tight and my arms around Him and his chin down against my head and I sleep the entire night as I rest on Him. Okay, some of you might think this is silly and sacrilegious but to me it is more than beautiful. I feel like a princess again.
I believe in meaning the words that I sing in a song. I am not comfortable singing a song that I cannot mean from the heart. Now I can sing "It is well with my soul" again and mean it from the heart. Ah, it's so very good to be free!
Finally I came to the point where I knew something had to change. Who likes to always hide things? Not me! Who likes to live in fear that someone will discover the truth you are trying so desparately to hide? Not me! Who likes to live in constant fear that just perhaps if I die, God will hold me accountable to that sin even though I'm trying to convince myself it's not sin? NOT ME!!!!!!! God really spoke to my heart a few weeks back and I chose to obey Him and relinquish my sin. However, it was not til last week that I totally gave up the last thread. It was so much a part of me that I could not just abandon it all in the snap of a finger. It went little by little and now it is 100% gone!
Bliss, unspeakable and full of glory! Ah, the feeling of having absolutely NOTHING to hide! NOTHING AT ALL! Living again with ZERO fear! I'd forgotten what that was like! I feel like Christian in Pilgrim's Progress, my burden went rolling to the foot of the cross and I feel as light as a feather. I cannot say much more, or it will disclose too much info on the whole situation, but rest assured that it is making a huge difference in my life. I'm actually grateful I went through it, because now I will be alot more forgiving and patient with others who struggle with sin.
Ah, and now about the reuniting part.......I'm a daughter of the King once again. I was all along. But now I feel like I am, not just know that I am! My sin had separated me from God to the point that He was just God to me, and that was all. Now He is once again my Beloved, the Lover of my soul and my Abba (Daddy). Once again I am going to sleep, knowing that I am safe in His arms. He wooed me back and now I look at Him as my Groom, the one whom I want to be beautiful to. I really like the Abba part. Now, once again when I go to bed, as I fall asleep, I can picture in my mind...I am sitting on Abba Father's lap, with my head against His chest and his arms around me tight and my arms around Him and his chin down against my head and I sleep the entire night as I rest on Him. Okay, some of you might think this is silly and sacrilegious but to me it is more than beautiful. I feel like a princess again.
I believe in meaning the words that I sing in a song. I am not comfortable singing a song that I cannot mean from the heart. Now I can sing "It is well with my soul" again and mean it from the heart. Ah, it's so very good to be free!
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