Friday April 8, 2011: Anthony Martin and I have been talking a lot on facebook. I have grown quite fond of him. He amazes me so much! I have never met a young man with such a heart for God that was still single! I have never met my equal, spiritually or mentally, in a man near my age! Until I met Anthony. I remember when I first saw him (after hearing about him quite often from Michelle) he came into Nicole’s house with some other guys. I was talking to Michelle and Nicole and I wasn’t all that impressed with the guys that came in. I remember there was a girl named Dot along but the rest were guys. None of them appealed to me. I thought Anthony was interesting in his stories but he had some language he needed to clean up and he appeared to me as a very baby Christian. He had tattoos and that of course didn’t impress me. I dismissed him as a “not an option” guy. A few days later Michelle texted me and ask me what I thought of Anthony. I was thinking, “Oh brother don’t tell me she is trying to hook me up with him now!” I was very vague and said the only nice thing I could think of to say, that he was “nice”. I think she had said Anthony wondered, so I knew it would for sure get back to him. So I asked her what he thought of me and she said he thought I was very pretty and liked the “wave thing” going on with my hair! I thought that was neat that a guy like him would think that because it is kinda considered outdated and the only people that ever fuss about my hair are usually middle age to old people, never young people. But I was going to act really cold if needed to because he was not an option for me and I didn’t want him to think he was!!!!!
So that was maybe 2 years ago. And just in the past few weeks Anthony friended me on facebook and I accepted him. Dunno why but I did. I guess I had no reason not to. Facebook is safe right? If someone offends you, you can delete them and block them and that’s that! So I accepted him and suddenly we began talking. He started it by asking why people always think singles have to hook up and that he is happy single and yada yada yada! I knew the pain so I wrote back, cause I’ve been through that. Then he asked advice on what to do when a close friend starts turning against you and so on. I gave advice for that. I got a little scared then and made it clear to him that there is no romantic interest going on and while I am being an encouragement I want that to be understood. I didn’t want him to fall in love with me because of the nice things I was saying about him or because I was being a listening ear, etc. He agreed he won’t mess things up and that there was NONE of that kind of interest on his end. Somehow suddenly we were writing so much so often and I began to look so forward to his messages. I would drop whatever it was that I was doing, just so I could read his messages. They brightened my day. I saw in a hurry that he was a changed man from when I’d seen him last! No bad language or even a hint of it. He was godly, and not only that, he was my equal and past me in some things! He was smart. I can’t abide a man as a partner who is less intelligent than me, how could I admire someone who can’t lead me? Every message amazed me more. Suddenly one day God smote my heart and I realized it was so very wrong of me to as much as tell him he cannot ever ask me out and that it would ruin everything if he did. God told me, “Who are you to say who I pick and choose for you?” So I could not type it fast enough as I quickly apologized for that. I didn’t want to because I was afraid then he would think I was hinting that I want there to be more between us and I had zero desire for that. I was content the way things were. But he seemed to understand. I wa so impressed as he told me he had already planned a process of how he would ask his lady to marry him. I always wanted a guy who would plan that out before he met his lady but I didn’t know men exist like that! We joked about how Nicole was trying to hook us up and I told him how Merci told me my time for a husband is finally here and that she’d been praying this week for a husband for me. I felt so free to say whatever and he seemed to as well. Suddenly it struck me that he was bitten and he didn’t know it. A wonderful peace stole over me and I had a strong feeling he might be the one. I didn’t feel lead in the back of my mind like I did with all the other guys that tried to hook up with me. Everything was all so different and I thought of my Aunt Ann who told me years ago that you will know when the right one comes along, there won’t be many doubts. So I sat back and smiled and wondered how long it would take him to know he was bitten. Then he said his mentor told him he was bitten and that he should consider me and take some weeks to pray over it. He argued with the man for 45 min. saying that it is nothing like that and that we are just friends. But he then agreed to pray about it. I smiled and smile! He asked me what my thoughts are if He would feel led to a God centered relationship. I didn’t even get him answered because that was Friday and I was gonna write to him Friday night after family night but he asked me after I got back home but before I wrote him back. He asked in the most beautiful way possible (in my mind anyway). He said, “May I serve you?” How beautiful! What a man! I suppose he got the idea from what I said in a discussion once about how Eric Ludy proposed to his wife by blindfolding her and taking her to a room that was all decorated and laid out and then he took the blindfold off and washed her feet just like Jesus washed his disciple’s feet. Cause marriage is all about serving the other. He had really liked that idea. I never thought about using that terminology for asking a lady out. Oh glory, was I impressed! I was shocked cause while I knew it was coming I didn’t think it would come til like 3 or 4 weeks! He had been so adamant that he isn’t into a relationship and that he is using this time to refine himself for the lady God has for him. I guess he was in denial. He told me he had laid it before the Lord and the Lord answered very clearly and said that I am the one. He said he will not falter, he KNOWS that I am the one and he will wait til I know too. I was all nervous cause I was so afraid that what if no one can confirm this. I called Rhonda that night and chatted with her.
Dear Abba,
My heart is so full today, Abba! Blessed be the name of the Lord! I believe I have experienced this Bible verse: Isa 65:24 And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear. Because while Merci was begging God to give me a husband very soon, you had already been working in our lives to bring us together. My soul thirsts for You, Abba. I want more of You! I want You to be seen in me so much that people literally can’t look at me without seeing You. Anthony says I am radiant. Father, never let me lose that radiance, because I know it comes from You and if I lost then I believe it would be because of sin. Today’s lesson aim in Sunday school was: To value obedience to the Father’s will ABOVE deliverance from trial or show of bravery. That really spoke to me. That means I have to follow You no matter what naysayers are saying around me. It’s not about man’s approval but about Yours. And you already approve of me. You already lead Anthony together. Abba, if at any time though, we should start making a god out of eachother by letting the other come in between our relationship with You, I pray you would gently convict us to correct that. You hate gods that come before You and this is all about You. You started this relationship and we want our lives saturated with You. Help us, Abba! Help us to have a testimony so powerful that we will render the naysayers speechless; that they will look at our lives together and have no choice but to be silenced. My retired bishop said today that the ONLY thing that God forbids in marriage is an unbeliever to a believer. We are both believers. Father, I am already encountering spiritual battle. It has only begun, it is still in the birthing but it’s about to let loose. I can feel it. I ask that You help me to be ready because I’m not ready unless You help me. I realize that that time I spend praying and reading Your word is NOT enough to prepare me for this battle. I will need more time with you, Father. Help me to dedicate more time for You, so I don’t let daily carnal thoughts and interests invade that time with You that I need, that is so very precious. Gird me up with the sword of truth, with the breastplate of righteousness, the helmet of salvation. I ask that You keep Anthony prepared at all times to be the protector You have called Him to be, the warrior You planned him to be while he was yet in his mother’s womb. Help us come boldly against the Spirit of Religion whom I know we will encounter head on, as well as any other demons & minions of Satan that we will encounter in this battle. Put a hedge of protection from behind and in front and all around. We will not be shaken, Father. If God is for us, who can be against us? Who is man that we are mindful of him? Keep our eyes opened wide as we enter this relationship so that we will not be blinded about anything but that we will be alert at all times. Help us to never drown out your voice for any reason. If we start down a path that does not glorify You, please very gently lead us back. This relationship is all about You and You started it and we need You in it at all times. We both are Your children and have no desire to ever turn away from You. Our lives our Yours, for You to use for Your honor and glory only. I pray our vision for the future would become clear and as ONE. I love You, Abba and will always be Your little girl no matter what age I am, I will always need You.
Love from your princess,
Dawn Renee
April 18: This weekend was so full and overwhelming! This week Anthony met the family…guess it was Tues. night. That went well, all but Brent was there. Then this Friday the 15 the Brills and Anthony and I moved a lot of boxes and my dear boss sent Dominoes pizza along for us. We had a really good time together. Wasn’t nice weather though, windy and cold. Saturday the 16th then Mom, Dad, Vernon, Jeremy, Anthony, Brills, Darlene, and Darlene’s babysitter all helped with the rest of the stuff. Sharon M and Doris went over to the old house and cleaned my share of the rooms. My wonderful friends and family put all my furniture where I wanted it as well as the boxes of stuff. Anthony and I could not act like a couple cause of the babysitter, she lives with Marie Hoover’s family. I was so very stressed out and tears were so ready to spill, I was a hair to finding the bathroom and letting it out. The stress was just so much, all the moving and everyone saying my name and feeling like I don’t know North from South anymore and just wanting everyone to go home and let me be in quiet even though I knew I needed their help. It was awful! Anthony told me later that he saw I was at breaking point. I was very touched that he noticed. This man observes me! He cares to notice! He studies me! I have never had someone watch me so closely or be so alert. I mean the pastor was but he doesn’t count. Most guys are so dense and involved in themselves that they don’t stop to notice. I am so blessed with Anthony I still can’t believe it. I needed to have some laundry done on Sunday and he didn’t let me hang all of it up, he did a bunch for me! Also, he washed the dishes for me and helped clear the table and insisted that I sit down and let him do my feet. He did them over 2 hours. Oh Lord, what did I do to deserve such a man? NOTHING! All I can say is YOU ARE GOOD, MY JESUS! I had him at my church and I’m nervous on where we will settle for church. He cannot grow in mine, at least not from the sermon we had this Sunday. I want him to come a few more times though. But Lord it would be awful for me to insist he be part of a church he cannot grow in so I am very afraid of where we will end up at. Lord keep us completely in Your will, guide us and keep us from straying. We want to honor and glorify you because You brought us together and our lives are ALL ABOUT YOU!
Monday, May 23rd: I am so mad I have not kept up writing! I simply don’t have the time! I could write an epic on what all we discussed already and the progress we’ve made both as a couple and separately! I went through some uncertain times and had 3 meetings with Steve and Jake Lapp already. I have seen great changes in Anthony, all for the glory of God. Tonight he asked me to marry him. That’s right, I am for real ENGAGED!!!!!!! We are keeping it quiet as it is only like 6 weeks since we started courting. He wants to ask me officially in a few months after he has a job because apparently how he wants to ask is a 2 week thing and takes money. Then we will tell people. Except we told his mentors cause they already knew it seemed and his dad was there so he knows. It was at Anthony’s house and he was dressed in a muscle shirt and greasy and I was in my work clothes and he kissed my feet, even the bottoms of them and as he was down on one knee he took my hand and kissed it and asked if I would let him serve me the rest of my life. It was awesome, right beside my car. Right after that we smelled pipe smoke and because there was no one around we believe it was Matt’s approval of the engagement. Anthony asked Father and the Father gave him marching orders to ask me so that is why he did! And he asked Father when to marry and Father said in Spring. So in exactly a year from now I shall be married, Lord willing! I’m crazy excited! I love the man incredibly much!
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